What NOT To Say To A Police Officer

– Thanks Officer! That’s great. The last officer only gave me a warning as well!
– Do you have any idea how much of a hurry I’m in?
– Sorry Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in
– Sorry Officer, I was trying to keep up with the traffic, Yeah I know they are miles ahead of me, but that’s how fast they got away from me!
– You’re lucky this car needs a tune-up or you’d have never caught me.

– No, I don’t know how fast I was going. The needle stops at 180 mph
– Wow! You must have been going some to catch me up?
– Sorry officer, I didn’t know you were behind me all that time, I was having to focus on what was in front of me because of the speed I was going
– I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer
– You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?

– If you’d try the stuff I just had, you wouldn’t be so damn uptight
– What? You need a license to drive?
– Yes, I know my driving is not 100%, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk
– A hundred dollar fine? Well, I think George Washington can change your mind
– Can you come back in 5 minutes? I’m in the middle of a telephone conversation.

– Whoops, that’s the fake one… here ya go, this is the one
– There’s no way I was going 85. I had the cruise set at 80
– What’s wrong, Ossifer? I swear to drunk I’m not God! And really, there is no blood in my alchohol
– You don’t happen to have any beer in your car?
– Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

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