The new metro cop

The new metro cop pulled a speeder who was zipping down Maple Avenue. “Can I see your license and registration, bub?”, the cop inquired. “But officer,” the fellow started, “I can explain…” “Shut yer trap, bub!” snapped the officer. “You’re going downtown and sit a while till the sarge gets back.” “But, officer, I think you really should know…” “And I said to shut yer trap! You’re going to jail!” A few hours later the cop looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the sarge is…

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A policeman pulls over a driver

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. “I can’t do that, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.” “Okay, we’ll just get a urine sample down at the station.” “Can’t do that either, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.” “Alright, we could get a blood…

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Farmer Joe's car accident

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,’?” asked the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the…” “I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m…

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Ever go fishing?

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars all traveling at the same speed; however, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair – there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get…

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Safe Driver Award

A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer. “Is there a problem, Officer?” “No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you’re going to do with the money?” The driver thought for a minute and said, “Well, I guess I’ll go get that drivers’ license.” The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, “Oh, don’t pay attention…

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A young lady was driving her car

A young lady was driving her car through a built-up area at about 70 mph when she noticed a police car on her tail. She increased her speed to 80 mph but the cop hung grimly on her tail. She put her foot down and pushed the car up to 90, drawing rapidly away from her pursuer. Suddenly she saw a garage up ahead and with a squeal of brakes she pulled up in the forecourt and dashed into the ladies’ toilet. Five minutes later she emerged to find the…

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A Strange Coincidence

An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman was driving. She gets pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer says, “Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?” The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?” The old man yells, “HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING.” The patrolman says, “May I see your license?” The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?” The old man yells, “HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE.” The woman gives him her license. The patrolman says, “I…

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Cop With a Sense of Humor

The person I heard this from (“Al” in the story) swears that it really happened. Two guys (we’ll call them “Mark” and “Al”) are out cruising. Mark is driving, and they’re on some out-of-the way roads. Mark is distracted and doesn’t see a stop-sign, and a few moments after he runs it they hear a siren and see blue lights. Mark has never been stopped by the police before, and gets really nervous. MARK: OhshitwhatdidIdo? I wasn’t speeding, was I? No, I wasn’t speeding. What’d I do what’d I do?…

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A guy gets pulled over for speeding 88 MPH in a 45 zone

The cop askes for his drivers license and the guy says “I’m sorry officer, but my license was suspended.” The cop asks for his registration and the guy says, “It’s in the glove compartment, but it’s not in my name because I stole this car in a car jacking and I killed the woman that owns the car and stuffed her in the trunk and the gun I used is in the glove compartment.” At this point the cop tells the guy to keep his hands in sight and he…

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