A man in a Porsche 911 stops at a stoplight and a guy on a scooter pulls up next to him. The guy on the scooter leans over and takes an admiring look at the inside of the Porsche and tells the driver that he has a really hot car. Well, the light turned green so the driver of the Porsche decides to show off and peels out and leaves the guy on the scooter in the dust. Then, all of a sudden, he sees the scooter zip on past…
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A car speeding down the highway loses control, goes through a guard rail, rolls down a cliff, bounces off a tree, lands upside down and finally stops. Wheels spinning in the air, smoke and steam pouring out from under the hood. A passing motorist, who witnessed the entire accident, helps the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck. “Good Lord Mister” he gasps, “Are you drunk?” “Of course!,” says the man, brushing the dirt from his suit. “What the hell do you think I am? A stunt driver or something?”
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A successful businessman flew to Vegas for a weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip air ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, offering his airline credit cards numbers, his driver’s…
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One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California. With gun in lap: L.A. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on the brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy One hand on latte,…
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A young man comes home and says “Dad, just got my driver’s license and would like to use the family car.” Father replies: ”O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we ll see.” Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. “Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I’ve been keeping…
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A young lady was driving her car through a built-up area at about 70 mph when she noticed a police car on her tail. She increased her speed to 80 mph but the cop hung grimly on her tail. She put her foot down and pushed the car up to 90, drawing rapidly away from her pursuer. Suddenly she saw a garage up ahead and with a squeal of brakes she pulled up in the forecourt and dashed into the ladies’ toilet. Five minutes later she emerged to find the…
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A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.” The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. “You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down. “Well, did you see this?” “Yes,” motioned the…
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An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman was driving. She gets pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer says, “Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?” The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?” The old man yells, “HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING.” The patrolman says, “May I see your license?” The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?” The old man yells, “HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE.” The woman gives him her license. The patrolman says, “I…
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Father O’Flannagan dies due to old age. Upon entering St.Peter’s gate, there is another man in front, waiting to go into heaven. St. Peter asks the man, “What is your name what did you accomplish during your life?” The man responds “My name is Joe Cohen, and I was a New York City Taxi driver for 14 years” “Very well,” says St. Peter, “Here is your silk robe and golden sceptre, now you may walk in the streets of our Lord.” St. Peter looks at the Father, and asks “What…
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