Kelly was standing in front of tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street. He ran to the car, jumped in and pulled on the emergency brake with a jerk. Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him “I stopped it!” “I know, you idiot!” said the man. “I was pushing it!”
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At a recent computer exposition, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: “If General Motors had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.” In response to Bill’s comments, GM issued a press release stating: “If General Motors had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. Every time they repainted…
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Yesterday I was at the local Wal-Mart. Now I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there he was – a damn Motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket … So, I went to him and said: “Come on Buddy, how about giving a guy a break?” He simply ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So, I called him a pencil necked Nazi. He then glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires! So, I called him a sorry excuse…
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Now I have two cars in my mechanic’s garage
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My car’s very economical. I get about 20 malls to the gallon.
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So he installed a louder horn!
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A man was driving down a country road in the middle of dairy farm country when his car stalled inexplicably. He got out and raised the hood to see if he could find out what had happened. A black and white cow slowly lumbered from the field she had been grazing in over to the car and stuck her head under the hood beside the man. After a moment the cow looked at the man and said, “Looks like a bad carburetor to me.” Then she walked back into the…
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As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!” “Hell,” said Herman, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”
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While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11 3.” They got out and measured their rig, which was 12 4.” “What do you think?” one asked the other. The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. “Not a cop in sight. Let’s take a chance!”
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